


selfless

by bonesandbellflowers



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Character Study, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route Spoilers, Gen, Mentioned HappinessTM, No Dialogue, POV Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, i didnt tag dimidue but you could definitely read it that way, i wouldnt call this angst but there's literally no happy part, lol, mind the warnings but if youve played blue lions you know what to expect, no spoilers of any actual events but dimitri pov is absolutely route spoilers in itself, wait actually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:27:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28993671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonesandbellflowers/pseuds/bonesandbellflowers
Summary: You have no right to choose.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd & Dedue Molinaro
Kudos: 1





	selfless

**Author's Note:**

> yall ever see dimitris goddess tower? it's informative
> 
> warnings for dedue things and dimitri things. delusions, self loathing, suicidal thoughts, dehumanization both discussed and internal, survivor's guilt, discussed racism, probably more.  
> also maybe minor violent description?? a little? two lines but i will mention it cause it's subjective

Dedue insists he is willless, refers to himself as a tool and a weapon to be used.  
  
 _You're more of a person than I'll ever be_ , you wish to tell him.  
  
Because Dedue is kind and gentle and forgiving, competent and calm, a consistent and sturdy presence, and he is more than you warrant.

He is much of what kept you from falling apart, shattering and dissolving entirely, kept in that castle in the aftermath.

You owe many rare moments of joy to Rodrigue, to his words of advice and long peaceful horse rides taken outside Fhirdiad. You will be ever grateful for the kindness and guidance he has shown to you.

But to Dedue, you may owe the fact you are still here at all. Your regained capability to form expression he tells you seems natural, to function in conversation. To, in those days that seemed wholly impossible to bear, hold onto your drive and your duty to this point.

Dedue, above all else, is _good_. And in this, he attains what you never could.

Dedue deserves so much better than yourself, better than _Faerghus_ \- better, you think, than what this entire damned world has to offer.

Your commitment is not to him, in return.

It cannot be. That you could, you might devote the entirety of your capabilities to righting the wrongs done to him every day. Were you anyone else, anyone free of obligation, anyone deserving of their own choices.

You are not, just as you are none of the good in him.

Your own unbendable fealty is to your father. Your stepmother, Glenn, every last one of the bodies piled and mangled and desecrated for your own disgusting survival - you owe them more, more, more than your one life is capable of providing and you CANNOT let any one of them down -

You know this. You exist for them. You understand better than you indicate, Dedue’s own insistence he owes debt to you. You can imagine how he may feel, only making it all the more aggravating how deeply wrong he is.

You deserve never to go a day with any thoughts for yourself above paying tribute to corpses. Just as Dedue suffers, just as the rest of your friends do, the remnants of Duscur, the people of Faerghus, and of Fódlan - the dead suffer constantly and they have been pleading for your mercy years on end. They have wept, unbearably and you have yet failed to ease their torments. It is THEM you are here for, their vengeance the sole justification for your continued intake of breath.

And yet, you stay selfish. And yet, you make claims of more to give. You speak of change you KNOW you may never earn a chance to follow through on, have the audacity to make _promises_ you have no business entertaining. You step out of your place, presume to offer beyond your capabilities, fail to hold back your damned childish thoughts of helping the living.

You lost all right to such ideas when you failed to either do so or die yourself at Duscur. You are not helping anyone around you but hurting them ever deeper, sowing hope you understand will be crushed. It is cruelty and weakness. You curse yourself for each unattainable ideal you speak aloud, and yet again and again and again you continue to do so. You are _repulsive_.

There is no taking back the words you speak. You mislead, unable to correct the presumption you will live to improve the state of Faerghus. That you will make for a better leader of its beaten people than your worthless uncle.

Anything you manage accomplishing this way could only be incidental. If by some stroke of fate you survive, if the dead can ever be satisfied in your lifetime, you would devote the remainder of you, the gristle and sinew that may yet cling to your bones, to your promises as king. But you doubt this day can ever come. You will one way or another abandon your people, those that place their hopes upon you, holding to the thought of a better future under your rule. It is misplaced. It is much of what they have left. You can provide them no warning.

And neither Dedue. He would have you live, where you could die accomplishing your duty. You are certain if you even hinted at your intentions, he would cease obeying your wishes to stop you. Conveniently gain the capability to decide for himself. In that sole situation you’d oppose it.

You do not know where he will realistically end up with you gone. Rodrigue is a kind man, and has always been warmer to Dedue than most, and you can only hope he would continue to vouch for him in your absence.

But you cannot be sure of his safety, and it is a certainty he will be left worse off without you. He has given you so much, so far beyond what you could ever repay or justify, and you... You intend to forsake him entirely. Him, along with all that remains of Duscur.

You know this. You understand. With their land drenched red and your body revoltingly immobile, you have lost your chance to help. Anything you feel is of no consequence. You barely have a right to personal emotions, would that you could end them. Ultimately an obstacle between the dead and their salvation. You will overcome it.

You will overcome anything in your way.


End file.
